E120: I Was Playing Small And I Didn't Even Know It...And I Think You Might Be Too

Trigger Warning: This episode talks about loss and grief

There are moments in business where something lands differently.

Not because it's new information. But because you finally hear it for yourself.

That happened to me on Monday. And it made me realise I had been doing the very thing I help my clients to stop doing.

Playing small. Without even knowing it.

In this episode of Simple Business Dream Life I'm getting really honest about what that looked like for me. The stories I'd been telling myself. The excuses dressed up as choices. The grief I'd been hiding behind without realising. And the moment I finally decided to step into the shoes of the person I'm actually becoming.

This one is personal. Really personal. But I'm sharing it because I think some of you are going to hear yourself in it.

In this episode I cover:

• Why simplicity and small are not the same thing and why I'd been confusing the two
• The sneaky way fear disguises itself as intention and conscious choice
• Why the stories we tell ourselves don't care how experienced or successful we are
• How losing my daughter Becky in 2023 quietly became my reason to stop dreaming
• What I realised on Monday that made everything shift
• What stepping into the CEO version of yourself actually looks like in practice
• How to make decisions from your future self not your current circumstances

This episode is for you if you've been telling yourself you're choosing to stay where you are when actually you're just more comfortable there than you're willing to admit. If you've stopped dreaming because dreaming feels dangerous. If you know there's a bigger version of your business waiting but you keep finding reasons not to build it yet.

You're ready. You've always been ready. You're just wearing the wrong shoes.

Key Takeaways

• Simplicity is the strategy that gets you to big. Not the excuse to stay there
• The most expensive stories are the ones dressed up as conscious choices
• Grief, fear, self doubt. They affect everyone. Even the people who teach this stuff
• Ready is a decision not a feeling
• You're not building a business to just get through the months. You're building something that matters

Want to connect? Find me here:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/iamemmahine

Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/emma-hine

Website:  https://www.emmahine.co.uk

You Tube: https://www.youtube.com/@EmmaHineStrategy

Transcript

Hello and welcome to today’s episode of Simple Business, Dream Life with me Emma Hine.

I want to start today's episode a little differently.

I'm not going to open with a framework or a strategy or a list of things to do. I'm going to tell you something that happened to me just last week. Something that stopped me in my tracks. And made me realise I'd been doing the very thing I help my clients to stop doing.

So I went to an event last week.

And somewhere in that room, listening to the conversations happening around me, something landed. Not something new. Something I already knew. Something I've said out loud probably hundreds of times to the people I work with. But this time I heard it differently. This time it landed for me.

I’ve been playing small.

Not obviously. Not in the way that's easy to spot from the outside. In the sneaky way. The way that looks like a choice. The way that wears the clothes of simplicity and intention and alignment. But underneath all of that dressing. It was fear.

And I hadn't even seen it.

Now before I go any further I want to say something about simplicity. Because I talk about it all the time and I never want it to be misunderstood.

Simplicity is not the same as small.

When I talk about simplifying your business I mean cutting out what doesn't move you forward. Not cutting out what does but scares you. Those are completely different things. And I had been confusing the two. Using simplicity as a reason to stay comfortable when actually what I needed to do was use it as a launchpad to go bigger.

Simplicity is the strategy that gets you to big. Not the excuse to stay small and comfortable.

And I’d lost sight of that for a while. If I'm honest for longer than I'd like to admit.

I'd been telling myself that staying where I was was a conscious choice. That I was being intentional. That I was living in alignment with the life I wanted. And parts of that were true. But parts of it were just a very convincing story I'd been telling myself so I didn't have to face the thing underneath.

I had a 7 figure business in my past. I built it. I ran it. I know what it takes. And I made the decision to walk away from it because it wasn't right for me anymore. That was the right decision. I stand by it completely.

But somewhere along the way that decision turned into a different story. A quieter story. One that said. You're not there anymore. You're earlier in this journey than many of the people you help. Why would someone at that level invest in you when financially you're not where they are yet.

And I let that story run for way too long.

The truth is I'm not starting from scratch. I never was. I'm starting from everything I know. From over 30 years of experience. From having built something at that level and understanding from the inside what works and what doesn't. From having made the hard decisions and lived the consequences and come out the other side with a clarity that you simply cannot buy.

That's not a weakness. That's exactly what makes me the right person to help the people I help.

But I wasn't seeing it that way. I was seeing the gap between where I am now financially and where I was. I was measuring myself against that and finding myself lacking.

I teach this stuff. I help people with this every single day. And yet it still got me.

Because it gets everyone. That's the point. These stories don't care how experienced you are or how much you know or how many other people you've helped to see through them. They find the gap and they move in. And if you're not paying attention they start running the show without you even realising.

I also hadn't been dreaming.

And to understand why I need to tell you something.

In 2023 I lost my daughter Becky.

I'm not going to dress that up or find a gentle way to say it because there isn't one. One day life was normal and then 6 weeks later she was gone. And for a long time after that the business, the plans, the ambitions, all of it just stopped mattering in the way it used to. And that was right. That was exactly as it should have been. I needed time to just get through the days. And I gave myself that time.

But what I didn't notice happening is the grief became my reason to stay small. Not consciously. Not deliberately. But slowly and quietly the not being ready, the not pushing forward, the not dreaming became wrapped up in the loss until I couldn't tell where one ended and the other began.

And I told myself it was intentional. I told myself I was choosing simplicity, choosing presence, choosing a quieter life. And parts of that were true. But parts of it were just the most human thing in the world. Staying still because moving felt like leaving her behind.

Becky was ambitious. Fiercely, unapologetically ambitious. She used to say to me I'll be a millionaire one day Mum. And I believed her. Every single time she said it I believed her completely. She was proud of me building this business….slightly bemused that I walked away from a 7 figure business but she got it. She was so proud when I became a bestselling author. She would have had absolutely no patience for me playing small.

And 3 years on I am learning something.

I will grieve Becky forever. That will never change and I would never want it to. But the grief doesn't have to stop me following my dreams. I don't want to move on. I will never move on. But I have to keep moving. I have to live as I have been given that honour.

Becky hasn't.

And staying small isn't honouring her. Staying small is just fear with a very convincing excuse.

In 2022 I created a 5 year plan. Bold and specific and exciting. And I stopped looking at it after I lost her. Told myself things had changed. That it wasn't relevant anymore. But last week after that event I picked it up again. And I realised I'm nearly 4 years into it. And the destination. The big bold version of what I'm building. That's still possible. In the 18 months I have left of that plan I can still make it happen.

And the moment I saw that clearly I felt something shift.

I felt like me again. Not the me that's been carefully managing and quietly getting on with it. The me that builds things. The me that thinks big and backs herself. The me that is the CEO of a business that is growing and will change lives.

I had been wearing the wrong shoes for far too long. And last week I finally decided to take them off.

So that's what I did. I made decisions I'd been putting off. I invested in myself and my business in a way I'd been hesitating over. I stopped waiting to feel ready and just decided to be ready.

Because ready is a decision. Not a feeling.

So what does this actually mean in practice. Because I don't want this to just be a story that makes you feel something for a few minutes and then fades.

I want you to think about your own version of this. We all have one.

Where are you wearing the wrong shoes right now. Where are you telling yourself you're making a conscious choice when actually you're just more comfortable where you are than you're willing to admit. Where have you stopped dreaming because dreaming feels dangerous, presumptuous or just too far from where you are right now.

And what excuses are you dressing up as reasons.

I'm not ready yet. I need more time. I need more proof. I need to be further along before I can think bigger. What if it doesn't work. What if I invest in myself and it doesn't pay off. What if I back myself and I'm wrong.

Those thoughts aren’t strategy. They are fear. And they will keep you in the wrong shoes indefinitely if you let them.

So lets look at what stepping into the CEO version of yourself actually looks like.

It looks like making the plan. Not the plan for this month or this quarter. The real plan. The 3 year plan, the 5 year plan, the version of your business that makes you feel slightly uncomfortable because it's so much bigger than where you are right now. Write it down. Make it real. Stop waiting until you feel ready to dream that big.

It looks like making decisions from that future version of yourself. Not from where you are now. When you're faced with a choice ask yourself. What would the CEO of the business I'm building do here. Not what can I manage right now. What would future me choose.

It looks like investing in yourself before you feel you've earned it. Because you never feel you've earned it. That feeling doesn't come before the investment. It comes because of it.

And it looks like paying attention to the stories you're telling yourself. Really paying attention. Because the sneaky ones, the ones dressed up as intention and alignment and conscious choice, those are the ones that cost you the most.

Let me paint you a picture

Not of where you are now. Of where you're going.

Because I think sometimes we're so deep in the doing, so focused on the next month and the next launch and the next client, that we forget to feel what we're actually building towards. And when you can't feel it the fear always wins. The excuses always sound more reasonable than the dream.

So I want you to close your eyes for a second if you can. Or just stay with me.

Picture the business you're actually building. Not the safe version. Not the one that feels achievable right now. The real one. The one that makes you feel slightly breathless when you let yourself think about it.

For me that picture looks like this.

I'm creating a legacy. A way to help young entrepreneurs, people like Becky, start and build their dream businesses. I have a business that supports that without consuming me because I want my dream life too. I travel. I have fun. I wake up every single day grateful for the life I've built. I have a small but mighty team. A team I love like family. And together we change lives.

That's what I'm building. And I almost talked myself out of pursuing it.

Now tell me yours.

What does the business you're actually building look like. Not the next 90 days. The real vision. The legacy. The thing that makes getting up in the morning feel like a privilege rather than an obligation.

Because that version of your business exists. It's not a fantasy. It's a plan that hasn't been written down yet. Or one that's been sitting dusty somewhere waiting for you to be brave enough to pick it back up.

And the only thing standing between you and it is the story you're telling yourself about why you're not ready yet.

You are ready. You have always been ready. You're just wearing the wrong shoes.

So this week I want you to do one thing. Write the plan. Not the safe one. The real one. The bold uncomfortable version that makes your stomach flip a little when you read it back.

And then make one decision from that future version of yourself. Not from where you are now. From where you're going.

Because you're not building a business to just get through the months. You're building something that matters. Something that will outlast you. Something that will change lives.

Dream big enough to honour that.

And leave the old shoes at the door.

Thank you for listening, I will see you next time.